Hello Lovely Readers!
It's been a minute since we've talked love and relationships on this blog but in truth, it's one of my favorite topics to write about.
Long before FF was even a thought in my brain, while I was still a single young woman, I wanted to write a book that would chronicle my various experiences in dating. I'd had so many wild, fun, and heartbreaking experiences I felt compelled to document it all in a comedic tell-all style novel. Which is what I told the random young man I was sharing an Uber with on the way to a bar crawl in 2017... but he didn't seem to understand the concept.
And long before that, I wrote a short story about a houseboat trip that two couples go on, that ends in opposite members from each couple falling in love with each other, based on a real life experience I'd had many years ago. But that's a story for another day ;).
I've always loved writing about love, and now that I'm married, I'm excited to see how that will transform the way I write about relationships within the context of marriage and committed relationships.
Which brings me to today's topic, the importance of how you welcome your man home.
If you have a more traditional relationship, one where the male partner goes out to work, and the female partner stays home (or works from home), I've found that the way you welcome your spouse home when they walk through that door, can greatly impact the trajectory of your entire night.
Walking into a home that smells like dinner cooking, a scented candle burning, gentle music playing, and a partner that's excited to see you, is the ultimate way to start the conclusion of a long day.
Now don't get me wrong, this is not a "cater to your man while he does absolutely nothing for you" style post. In fact, I greatly disagree with the extremist views we see a lot today that say either a man should do absolutely everything for his partner, or a woman should kiss the ground beneath her partner's feet and basically become his mother. No.
While we will be talking specifically today about how we can welcome home the men in our lives, let it be known that I fully believe in both parties catering to, respecting, and loving each other.
And with that disclaimer out of the way, let's dive in.
When my husband and I moved in together, it was truly the happiest time of my life up until that point. I was just thrilled to be able to see him every day, kiss him every day, and sleep next to him every night.
I was doing YouTube full-time, and he was working full-time outside of the house. So the moment I heard his car pull up or heard keys in the front door, I was ecstatic. He'd open the door and I'd run over to greet him with a passionate embrace.
The evening would then be spent eating dinner by candlelight, talking about our days, listening to an old record, and preparing to go to sleep.
In the morning after he'd taken off for work, I'd awaken to a cup of tea and a love note.
I've noticed this pattern emerge in our relationship where when I, as the woman, welcome my husband home in a way that's thrilling and engaging for him - he in turn does something to thrill and enchant me. And I've come to acknowledge the power that lies in those first 5 minutes when you see each other after a long day.
Some women will encourage you to be dressed in sexy lingerie with your hair perfectly curled and a full face of makeup on, and if that's what your man likes, go for it!
But I find that it doesn't really matter what I'm wearing, what matters is my attitude and disposition.
On days when I'm not feeling great, or I feel overwhelmed with work, there's a shift in the energy of our home. And I hate to say it, but that stereotype or old wives' tale about the woman setting the tone for the whole house, is so true.
For whatever reason, our attitude, our contentment, our joy (or lack there of), directly impacts the entire household. It's an incredible power that we wield. So when we feel off, the house feels off.
Of course, there will be times in your relationship where you don't feel like running into your lover's arms at the sight of them, and you don't always have to welcome them home in this way. But in my experience, the response from my partner is always worth it.
Excitement begets excitement. Warmth begets warmth. Passion begets passion.
Setting the ambiance for your partner's arrival home is also incredibly important for both of you.
Think about yourself for a moment. How do you feel when you walk into your home and it's in complete disarray? Maybe the laundry is overflowing, the dishes need to be washed and mail needs to sorted through.
When my home is in chaos, walking in that front door feels incredibly daunting. It can honestly feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Because in a lot of ways, your home is your world.
We can't control too much of what goes on outside, but we can control whether or not the laundry gets done. We can control what we choose to cook for dinner. We can control the little things within our own four walls.
So when our home is spun out, it feels like our entire world is spun out.
Now imagine that you've been working all day. Maybe dealing with a boss you don't get along with, doing manual labor, or monotonous tech labor. And you open your front door to find that same chaos.
I would be willing to bet you'd feel even more overwhelmed.
Now, again, this is NOT to say that your husband's only responsibility to your home life is his work outside of the home and that somehow absolves him of having to do any chores around the house.
I'm just painting the picture of what it might feel like to deal with stressors both outside and inside of your house.
I try my best to keep a peaceful home that is a warm and welcoming environment. I do this by lighting candles, dimming the lights to allow that beautiful golden hour sun to peak through, cooking dinner from scratch, and playing music. This puts me in the right mood to kick off the night, and it's a wonderful way for my husband to walk in the front door.
I remember years ago, I was staying at the home of family friends down in Santa Barbara. It was a husband and wife team who had raised two boys and were now empty nesting in a gorgeous home overlooking the Pacific Ocean.
A few friends and I were sitting at the dinner table with the wife, when all of a sudden she heard the sound of tires driving over gravel. She perked up like a dog at the sound of the word "treat" and ran over to the large Bay window.
"Tommy!?" she beamed. "Is that my Tommy?!"
I had never, in my life, seen a wife THAT excited to see her husband come home.
Tom walked in the door and was greeted with a kiss and a glass of wine by his very joyful wife. And I never forgot it.
But let's be clear. Tommy was also probably doing something to make his wife that excited to see him. Maybe he sent her a romantic text in the middle of the day. Or maybe he made her breakfast that morning. Maybe he called her on his lunch break just to hear her voice. His contribution is just as important here.
Long term relationships are a game of constantly figuring out how to keep the initial sparks of young love alive. There are times when it's just going to be there naturally, and there are times when you'll have to work to get it back.
You'll have to do small things every day, to build intimacy, passion and romance with your significant other. You'll have to consciously remember the feeling of the butterflies from your early days of dating, and inspire one another to help them stick around.
If this entire concept is lost on you, a great way to start, is by practicing when your spouse comes home after a long time away.
Those of you who have been around for a few years, might remember that video I posted where I had to pick my husband, then boyfriend, up from the airport after a few weeks apart.
The video is no longer on my main channel, but it is on my Patreon.
You can see in the video my excitement to see him, and his excitement when he sees me walk through the automatic doors to baggage claim.
I remember the comments on that video saying things like, "If my future husband doesn't react to me the way Cain reacted to seeing Felicia at the airport, I'm walking away." Ha! I still go back to watch that video from time to time. And it's a wonderful example of what I'm talking about in this post.
Excitement begets excitement. Passion begets passion.
We can choose to be on our phones, folding laundry or even cooking in the kitchen without stopping what we're doing to give a proper greeting. But what might that communicate to your spouse?
Worse than simply not being excited to see them, it implies indifference. It implies that while you're probably not unhappy to see your partner, you're not particularly thrilled either.
It's always been said that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. And while we may not want to come across indifferent towards our partner, when we don't take 5-10 minutes to stop what we're doing and say hello, that's exactly what we're communicating, with our actions.
I want all of us to have marriages and relationships that are filled with passion, excitement, and joy. Relationships where we're genuinely excited to see our spouse walk through that front door, because every day we have together is a gift.
That's it for today's post! I encourage you to give this practice a try and watch how it positively affects your relationship with your partner.
xo, F.
Comments