"Situationship": A relationship that is better defined as a situation wherein neither partner knows what's going on or why they're there, but neither party knows how to end it.
Ahhh, the situationship.
Ladies (and gents, if you're out there), I'm convinced that the situationship is the death of romance and of meaningful relationships.
In case you've never had the pleasure (that's sarcasm) of being in one of these arrangements, allow me to explain what, why and how unsuspecting women end up in these half-effort relationships. AND how to get out of one.
If you've been following along on my relationship series, you already know one of the ways women end up in situationships: the talking phase. But there are other missteps that we make that can and often do wind us up in these strange pseudo-relationships.
But before I continue, here are some of the reasons why a situationship is a very bad idea.
1: It gives no clarity to your relationship.
Typically, there's no clarity in a situationship. Are you dating? Are you exclusive? Are you friends with benefits? Who knows? Not you. And definitely not him. When you enter into a relationship and you get to the point where you've decided you like this person enough to give a serious relationship a go, clarity should always be number one on your list of requirements.
A man that doesn't offer you any clarity is playing games with you. A man who says things like, "We're just seeing where things go." or "We're taking it day by day." after you've been seeing each other for more than a month, is giving you your answer. And that's pretty much all the clarity you need. A man who doesn't know what he wants will use these vague explanations to keep you around, without giving you any actual clarity or any answers. Causing you to waste valuable time and emotional energy on someone who doesn't have serious intentions of becoming exclusive.
2. You might start to resent other men.
After you've been in a situationship, you might start to resent and judge other men who actually DO have good intentions. Because you've been hurt and dragged along, you might start to present more masculine traits such as acting like you don't care or being a little gruff, in an attempt to protect yourself. Not only does this disconnect you from your natural feminine energy, but it also pushes away men who might actually want to start a serious relationship with you.
Try not to do this. Remain tender-hearted and smart. You can be kind without being walked over.
3. You'll forget what a healthy relationship looks like.
The longer you stay in a situationship with someone, the farther you'll get from what the reality of a real, healthy relationship can look like. If you stay in a situationship for months or years, you'll forget what it feels like to be respected, honored, loved and taken seriously. A healthy relationship is, first and foremost, honest. It's one where both parties are being genuine about their feelings and their expectations. In a situationship, there might be a disconnect between what you expect and what the other party expects.
I've said it before and I'll say it again; typically, one person is always hoping for more or hoping that the situation will progress to something more serious and committed. A healthy relationship is one where both parties are on the same page about what they want and their goals for the relationship. And that is very hard to achieve in a situationship.
More often that not, women who end up in siutationships are not expecting it AT ALL. Chances are, they had a connection with someone, started texting, one thing lead to another and now they're spending the night at that person's house a few times a week with no label and no promise of a future.
But there are other ways we end up here too.
One of those ways, is through trying out being with someone who is our close friend.
I've done this, and maybe you have too.
Have you ever had a close guy friend where everyone always assumes you guys will just end up together or everyone's always asking you when you're going to start dating? You obviously have great chemistry as friends, but it's always in the back of your mind to see if there's something more there.
Because you don't want to ruin the friendship, you might decide to just toy with the idea of being something more serious. You might start crossing physical boundaries in order to see if that physical chemistry is there.
This can often lead to a situationship because you're paralyzed in fear, not wanting to fully take the leap to being officially in a relationship, but also not wanting to ruin your friendship.
The next way we can end up in situationships, is through hookup culture.
Hookup culture is the practice of "hooking up" with people without commitment. Being physically intimate with someone who is not your boyfriend, husband, partner or anything of the sort. They don't have to be a complete stranger, it can be someone from your college major courses or someone who you know from your past. Regardless, the action of hookup culture can often lead you into a situationship.
Why?
Because feelings and physical intimacy are spiritually intertwined.
Regardless of whether you're religious or not, we all must admit that when we let down our walls and our boundaries to be intimate with someone else, there is something inherently spiritual about that act. Even if you think it hasn't affected you, it has. In fact, physical intimacy is so powerful, that you want to experience it more and more.
So when you bond with someone in that way, you naturally desire it again. Which then causes you to go back to that person, to experience that otherworldly connection as much as possible.
Next thing you know, there you are, 5 months after your first encounter, still hooking up with no sign of commitment in sight.
So how can you get out of this mess you've unintentionally gotten yourself into?
The answer is simple: you just do.
You stop saying yes when he invites you over at 8pm.
You stop engaging in meaningless conversations with no depth.
You ask for clarity, and have the strength to leave when he doesn't give it.
You don't text back when he backslides to you after breaking up with his girlfriend.
You opt to not meet family members without a label.
You set the standard for how you want to be treated.
If there's one thing I learned from my early dating years, it's that I needed to set the standard. I needed to set the tone for my relationships. I needed to stop going along with things thinking that if I was just more perfect, it would progress to something more serious.
You are worth so much more than a situation where the other party isn't giving you what you truly desire. You are worthy of having a loving, committed relationship.
But sometimes, you have to let go of your playmate, so you can find your soulmate.
Well loves that's all I have for you in today's post! I hope you enjoyed it and learned a little about how you can take control of your life and your relationships.
I love you all so much!
xo,
F.
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