While the topic of femininity has largely died down on social media, it seems to have been re-packaged in a Gen-Z friendly, slight obsession with being the most magnetic, the prettiest, the softest, the luckiest, the most healed and high value, most attractive girlie possible.
And while there's nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, I find myself asking the questions, "But when is it enough? When is it over? How do you know once you've reached your level of feminine success?" Especially when you get videos in your algorithm every day showing you a new aspect of your life that apparently needs fixing, leveling up, or "re-inventing".
In truth, I think society's obsession with self-improvement has gone a bit too far. What once felt like a fun way to improve your life and feel good about yourself, now feels less like a suggestion, and more like the only way to be a "valuable" woman. Because what are you doing if you're not constantly focused on how to become the absolute best version of yourself, right?
In my opinion, feminine success can not be defined by how many heads turn when you walk into a room, or by how lucky and luxurious your life seems to be. It's defined by how you treat others, how you manage yourself and emotions in times of distress, and finding true peace with who you and where you are at in your life. It's about your ability to not only make the most of your life, but your ability to thrive in any environment. To be truly content with who you are as a woman, and not fall for every new trend that tells you there's something you need to change.
Again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning new ways to improve yourself. To level up your makeup look, your hair, or your life in general. But if we are constantly striving and focusing on improving, when will we find the time to slow down and enjoy where we are right now?
There have been so many times in my life where I've looked back on a time and wished desperately to be back in that moment. To have *that* body, *that* life, *those* friends. But instead of enjoying it, I was always looking ahead at where I *should* be and what my life *should* look like. Not realizing how beautiful my life was in the moment.
So how do we balance the desire to improve, with a need to remain grateful in the present?
First, we limit our intake of self-improvement content.
As with most things, too much of anything can be unhealthy. Even things that are beneficial in small doses, can be toxic if consumed en masse. I've cut back on my intake of this type of content and I am noticeably happier and more content with myself. Not only that, but I spend more time actually implementing things I've learned, instead of just consuming. It's one thing to watch content telling you how to enjoy or improve your life, it's another to actually do it.
Recently, I was thumbing through one of my favorite coffee table books: Hill House
Living, and got a burst of inspiration to create a stunning, autumn inspired
tablescape. It was so much fun to create and even more fun to photograph. And it reminded me of how much joy I get out of being creative and making things beautiful.
It's nice to read and watch content that inspires us, but what is inspiration if we don't actually do something with it? If we don't act on it? By limiting the amount of self help content that we take in, we give ourselves more time to actually put in to practice the things we'e learned.
Second, we set realistic timelines and goals.
Again, there's nothing wrong with wanting to improve, but we have to have some specific goals and timelines so that we don't get stuck on the self-help hamster wheel. If you want to see a visible difference in your life, setting specific goals, however big or small, will help you to know definitively when you've actually achieved something you're working towards. Create a timeline for when you want to feel or look a certain way. By the end of the month? By the end of the year? It is truly so much harder to reach your goals when there's no end in sight.
The problem with a lot of self help and level up content today, is that it doesn't offer an end date. Which makes sense because if there was end date to your improvement, there would be an end date to someone else's bottom line. So you have to give yourself an end date. You have to decide how long you want to be actively pursuing the dream version of yourself.
I think many might argue that self-improvement is a life long journey. That there is no end date because we should always be invested in becoming better.
But what if we were invested in enjoying the short time we have on this earth? Food might begin to taste better, comedic movies might be a little funnier.
I think there's a balance between improving oneself, and recognizing that "improving" is not the only point of living.
Third, we opt-in to fiction.
If there's one thing I love, it's a good fiction novel. A mystery with a touch of romance and intrigue. Reading fiction novels is a past-time I've enjoyed since I was a young child, and it remains one of my favorite ways to entertain myself.
As I got older and began feeling the need for answers, I began reading more self-help books. Some of which truly changed the trajectory of my life, and that I owe my success to. Namely, The Defining Decade, which I have talked about for years.
Recently though, I've found myself enjoying fiction novels so much more.
I get completely lost in the story and enter my flow state when reading a good book.
I love to recount what's happening in my book to my husband before bed, or give my mom a recap once I've turned the last page.
There's nothing wrong with self-help books. When written by professionals, they can provide so much wisdom and insight.
But sometimes, it's nice to remember what it's like to be swept away into your own imagination. To fall in love with characters and tap into your creativity.
That creativity will permeate other areas of your life, and you'll find yourself seeking wonder and whimsy more often than not.
I think feminine success is about achieving balance. It's about finding the middle ground between being the absolute best version of yourself, and knowing that you might not always show up as her.
It's about having a vision for your life, while remaining grateful for the life you have now. And understanding that you truly can bloom where you're planted.
The truth is, we're not all always going to be the most magnetic woman and we're not always going to be THAT girl (whoever she is). But we can find joy, peace and contentment through creativity, community, and imagination.
That's it for this post friends! I hope you enjoyed it! There will be a video on this topic soon so stay tuned. Make sure you sign up to the blog so you don't miss a post.
xo, F.
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