Hello readers! And welcome back to the blog for a special Thanksgiving post!
If you're celebrating today, I hope you're eating lots of good food and telling your loved ones how grateful you are for their presence in your life.
Recently on the YouTube channel, we've been talking about changing the narrative of our families and creating peaceful, happy homes for those we hold close. So many of you have expressed how you've opted out of negative or toxic family cycles and have chosen to create new memories and new experiences for your family. Which is so important to do!
In today's post, (and a video coming to the channel soon), I want to talk about what I consider to be the 7 Pillars of a Peaceful Home.
If you've been around the FF community for awhile, you know how much I value creating a home life that is peaceful and enjoyable. Likely because of my extreme homebody tendencies. But I truly think that creating a home that everyone feels warm and welcome in, is one of the best ways to feel content in the day to day.
Instead of constantly searching for the next thing that's going to make you happy -bigger house, nicer car, etc., you find joy and comfort in cultivating a home that feels like a haven. And there truly is no better gift.
I also want to mention, that while a home can be a physical house, it can also be wherever your loved ones are. Whether you have a house or not, doesn't determine how peaceful your home is. Home is joy. Home is laughter. Home is good meals and quality time. Wherever that may take place.
With that out of the way, let's discuss.
1. Well Defined Roles
When we hear the term "roles" in relation to home life and relationships, it's usually some man on a podcast making a baseless argument about why his wife that doesn't exist should be in the home cooking and cleaning instead of doing what she wants to do. So I want to be clear here, that's not what I'm talking about.
My mom always used to use the metaphor of a home being like a business, and in a business everyone has a role. CEO, CFO, HR, all the way to the Janitor. And without everyone knowing exactly what their role is, the business would be in complete chaos.
Roles exist to provide structure and order, so that the business can run smoothly and efficiently.
This is how I like to think about roles in my home and marriage. It's not that one job is more important than another, but without everyone knowing what they're supposed to be doing and where they're supposed to be going, the home would be a place of disorder and confusion.
It's important to know who is meant to do the dishes and who is supposed to take out the trash. Who is in charge of laundry and who handles the bills. If you divvy up the roles in your home, I promise it'll run more smoothly - which can often prevent arguments, disagreements and general frustration in the home.
2. A Relaxing Environment
I feel like it goes without saying that your home should be relaxing to be in. When you walk in the door after a long day of work, or when you're done cooking, cleaning and caring for the kids, do you enjoy being in your home? Or do you feel like you need to escape it?
Back when we lived in Fancy Cottage, I would often play one of my husband's records of vintage French music on the record player while I was cleaning or when I knew he was on the way home from work. Opening the windows and allowing fresh air to permeate the home is another way I enjoy creating that relaxing environment. There's something so peaceful about letting the outside in. Whether that be in your decor or in the gentle sounds of trees blowing in the breeze and birds chirping in the distance.
I know a lot of women love to burn scented candles to create that spa-like environment, but over the years I've developed an intolerance to most artificial scents. So I love to indulge in making simmer pots, or using essential oils in my diffuser. All of which can create that relaxation that we all need so much..
3. Family Meetings
Last year, my husband and I started having weekly check-ins on Friday nights. We go to a favorite restaurant of ours and discuss what's going on. How we felt that week, the highs and lows, as well as what's on the calendar for the following week.
I've found this to be extremely helpful in getting us on the same page with our schedules and it is also helpful to know where each of us are at emotionally. Was it a down week or an up week? How is what happened this week going to affect you going into the new week?
This is a wonderful way to connect with your partner! To chat over a nice meal while also hitting the topics that need to be discussed. It's helpful to know how each person is feeling after their week, so that you can work with them accordingly. If your spouse had a rough week, you can be intentional about being a little softer or kinder with them the following week. Or if they're going to be very busy the following week, you know in advanced and can plan accordingly.
It's just a good way to end the week intentionally, and go in to the coming week with the necessary information.
4. A Clean Home
I feel like this one is another that goes without saying, but many of us didn't grow up in the most organized homes. It's like Marie Kondo used to say, we aren't really taught how to be organized growing up. There's no class about it in school, and unless you are taught at home, it can be hard to know how to maintain a clean and organized home.
But with TikTok and YouTube videos, there are so many new ways to learn how to clean and stay organized. I for one fall down the "CleanTok" side of the app quite often!
When your home is dirty and unorganized, it's bad for both your physical and mental health. I certainly feel very out of sorts when my home is messy, when the kitchen is in disarray and the laundry is taller than I am!
Maintaining a clean home one of the most pivotal ways to keep a peaceful home. But it doesn't have to fall all on one person! Again, establishing roles and knowing who is in charge of what, makes it a lot easier to stay on top of everything.
5. Celebrate Everyone's Wins
Many of us have been subjected to family dynamics and home lives where our wins were not celebrated. It's heartbreaking and hard to deal with people who are supposed to love and support you, not being excited for you when something good happens in your life!
In our home, we celebrate everyone's wins!
Someone got a promotion? We host a dinner! Someone reached a new milestone they were working towards, we throw a party! It's so important to celebrate each other and show your loved ones that you're proud of them and excited for them.
The last thing you want in your home, is an energy of bitterness and resentment. But if you don't celebrate the people in the home and make a big deal out of their accomplishments, it can lead to resentment, envy and jealousy. Plus it's always nice to have a party.
6. Establish a Balanced and Healthy Lifestyle
I think a peaceful home is also a balanced home. Yes it would be nice if we could all buy organic food and all natural cleaning products all the time. But the reality for most of us is that that simply isn't the case- and that's okay.
What's more important than being perfect all the time, is living a balanced life. Understanding that it's okay to indulge every once in a while, and it's actually necessary so you don't go stark raving mad.
Having the goal of a balanced home will help in a variety of areas and will help relieve pressure off of everyone. Some night you'll have a colorful salad for dinner and some nights you'll order in pizza. Both are okay! Balance is the goal, not perfection.
7. Have Mutual Respect
I accidentally saved the best for last on this one! It is so important to establish mutual respect in your home. If you don't respect your spouse or they don't respect you, that is a recipe for a home that's riddled with negativity. Be respectful in how you speak to each other and how you treat each other.
How can you have a peaceful home if it's riddled with underhanded insults and disrespect? This starts long before you ever walk down the aisle or buy a house with someone. It begins with respecting yourself. With knowing that you are valuable and worthy of love and respect. And when you have that respect for yourself, you won't expect anything less from anyone else. And you will treat others with the same respect that you treat yourself.
Choose a partner who you respect. Someone who has morals and values that align with yours and who actively exemplifies those morals. Don't choose someone who offers a lot of lip service but doesn't treat others kindly or who says that they're a faith filled man but doesn't act in accordance with a certain belief system. Choose a partner who has a good work ethic, goals and dreams for their life. Choose a partner who you know will put you and your family first.
Cultivating a peaceful home is important. It's important because the environment that you create affects everyone who lives in that environment. And they can either take the stress and negativity that they experience at home out into the world, or they can take the joy and peace they feel out into the world.
You have the power to create a peaceful home and joyful life for yourself and for your family.
That's it for the post loves! I hope you enjoyed it and had a wonderful holiday.
xo,
F.
Comments